


David- worst/best guardian. You decide.

by orphan_account



Category: Camp Camp (Web Series)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - High School, Family Bonding, M/M, Max is gay, School Plays, Swearing, Texting, a good girl. probably a changling or a demigod., actually every1 in camp camp is gay except for like, and, and immediately i was like 'teen max has a crush and david is trying his best 2 be helpful', and it was more about me writing super embarrassing dad david, and maybe cameron campbell, having said that, i cant see through my love for nikki, i dont really have ships tbh! neil was just convenient, i just had the idea of max in highschool with david as his guardian, i just needed to write embarrassing dad!david, i was ten hyears old and gay, im so glad that nikki is a supportive lesbian, im... ashamed, jermy, protect her, ten year olds can be gay., theyre not! aged up! so i can ship them!, this happened, this is not really a ship fic!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-12
Updated: 2017-07-29
Packaged: 2018-12-01 04:01:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11478192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Max sips his weak-ass, milky, watered down tea, and uses the mug to hide his smile. "Yeah. Whatever."There's a pause, and Max is quietly thinking about how nice it can be just to hang out like this, with his fake dad-brother-legal annoyance, drinking shitty tea at their breakfast bar and eating David's stupidly delicious homemade cookies. He'll never tell him, but it can be kind of cool to have someone who cares about you as much as David does.Then David opens his mouth."So... Neil, huh?""Oh my god," Max screeches, throwing his mug across the table.--Max is a teenager, and David is just... embarrassingly proud of him. And embarrassing, full stop.





	1. if u talk to me about this anymore i will set myself on fire, david, i swear to god

**Author's Note:**

> ah! id just like 2 reiterate! that i really dont feel comfortable w like. shipping ten year olds (and that we dont rlly know how old the camp camp kids are? if theyre like 12 thats a different story). so this story is more meant to be about david and max, although it devolved a little into a general friendship story.  
> that being said, ten year olds can be gay and have crushes. I'm just not comfortable focusing on the romantic feelings children have because! its weird! for adults/teenagers to focus on that aspect of childhood!  
> idk this doesnt make sense.  
> have at me.

"Look, all I'm saying is that there's no fucking point in teaching us trigonometry before algebra because the entire goddamn presence of algebra defines advanced mathematics and they're basically setting us up to fail- well, not _me_ , but you guys are definitely fucked."

"Your faith in our intelligence is astounding, Neil," Max said, rolling his eyes. They were walking home from school, on a long, hot, summer Tuesday with a last period math class, which guaranteed Neil would whine all the way to his house. 

Nikki wobbled her way along the edge of the flowerboxes at the left of the sidewalk, arms outstretched as she balanced on the thin piece of wood. "I dunno, I'm pretty sure I was reading my math book upside down today. Neil might have a point."

"Who cares if you were reading it upside down?" Max lunged forward to hurriedly push Nikki up when she started to fall off, shouldering her upright again. "It's math. You can read numbers upside down. Besides, all the symbols can be read upside down too."

"Oh my god, you're an idiot," Neil mumbled, sounding pained.

Max grinned, ticking the points off on his fingers. "X still works upside down, plus still works, divided by still works, equals sign is just two fucking lines of course it works-"

"You have to write to pass math!" Neil shrieked, slapping Max's arm. "You need to write words!"

"Nikki can't do that anyway," Max grinned, prompting a "hey!" and a sudden attack from above. "Gah!"

Nikki pushed him down to the pavement with a war cry, taking care to cradle his head so he didn't crack it on the ground, before pulling him up and shaking his shoulders furiously. "You take that back, you mean little bitch!"

"Never!" Max coughed out his surprise before going in for a ticklish swipe over Nikki's stomach. She let out a surprised laugh and lunged down to grab his wrists, trying to pin him down (somewhat successfully, as Nikki took at least four different sports and Max, as a rule, didn't eat anything that hadn't been soaked in butter). "Neil, help me!" Max glanced up to look at his friend, who was leaning against a traffic light and laughing as he watched them wrestle. "Neil!"

Neil grinned, reaching up to run a hand through his mess of curls. "Sorry, Max, I can't help anyone who'd betray the sanctity of numbers like that." And probably Max should have taken his hoodie off because heatstroke must be setting in, and Nikki was cutting off circulation in his upper body so when he looked at Neil everything seemed to go soft and fuzzy, and Max was abruptly reminded of the stupid, embarrassing feelings he'd been doing his best to ignore for the past month.

And that one little moment of utter _uh-oh, I'm gay_ was apparently enough for Nikki to get the best of him, and one moment Max was looking up at Neil and thinking about how much he hated that little fluttering in his stomach, and the next he was shoved back into the dirt and Nikki was wriggling her fingers under his arms and making him shriek in pained laughter.

\--

Max stumbled into the hallway of his house, letting his backpack slide off his shoulder as he leaned against the wall. Neil and Nikki chorused their goodbyes from outside and he flipped them off. "I'm home!"

_And one, two..._

David burst into the hallway all beaming smiles, and darted forward to pull Max into a hug like he hadn't seen him in years. "Max! How was your day?"

Max wriggled out of the hug, more to keep up his image than anything else, and shoved David's face away before he could get any ideas about kissing his cheek or something. "Ugh, it was fine, whatever."

"Did anything exciting happen? Did you make any new friends?" David bounced back, quickly divesting Max of his hoodie and scooping up his bag, ushering him through to the kitchen. "Have you got your mark for your music assessment ba-Oh, wait! Tell me later. I'll just go put your stuff away, go help yourself to some cookies! They're cooling on the counter, so make sure not to burn yourself!" David winks before dashing off, leaving Max frustrated and confused in the face of his relentless positivity, as usual.

He shrugged and made his way to the counter, ignoring David's advice and immediately burning his hands and tongue on a cookie. "Ah! Fuck!" Max swallowed quickly and dropped the cookie on the bench, then immediately regretted swallowing because now his throat burned like he'd deep-throated lava. Hurriedly, he downs a glass of milk, wiped his mouth, and then glanced back to the other half of the cookie. It wasn't that hot, and it must have cooled now, and David's baking was so good... Max considered it for a moment before shoving the other half in his mouth and eating that too. "Mother _fucker_!"

"Max?" David comes sprinting down to the kitchen, swerves across the floor in his fluffy socks and crashes into their breakfast bar. "Max, are you okay?" He rushes over, holding Max's face in his hands, eyes wide and panicky. "What happened? Are you bleeding? Did you cut yourself? Are you poisoned? Did you eat something bad at school today? Oh, I knew I couldn't trust those fake, commercial lunches-"

"David!" Max snapped, shoving him out of his space. "I'm fine! I just burnt myself."

And within seconds, David jumped back into friendly-role model-mode. "Ah, Max, you know I told you to be careful," he said fondly. "Let me get you some milk."

"Really, I'm fine," Max grumbled, shoving his still sore hands in his pockets. "Can I... can I actually have some of that tea?"

David practically lit up, ushering Max to sit down. "Of course! It's growing on you, huh?"

"No, I hate it, but I need some caffeine in my veins." Max only drinks David's shitty herbal tea because David insists coffee is just as bad as weed, but it's better than milk, which always makes him feel like a kid when he drinks it.

"Sure, Max," David laughs, putting the kettle on and whistling as he does.

Max rolled his eyes and jumped up to the bar, leaning his chin in his hands and closing his eyes. He was thinking back to lunch today, when Nikki kept poking him in the side and asking if Ered was looking over to see how cute she was being, and Max was pointing out that even if he didn't give a shit about "popularity" or "the level of coolness", Ered was still two years older and as such, out of Nikki's league. Then Neil had rolled his eyes and told Max to stop being a bitch, and then pointed out the shy girl in the corner of their English class and how she definitely had a crush on Nikki. And Nikki's eyes had lit up and she immediately started babbling excitedly at the very idea a cute girl might be into her, so Max had called her a useless lesbian, and Neil had started swatting him and Max had to try really hard to hide his laughter as he poked back at him, and Nikki started yelling about them being gay, and Neil had rolled his eyes and stated, a little breathless and very haughty, that just because he was gay and Max was cute didn't mean they were gay _together,_ and then- 

David sets down a mug in front of him, making Max snap out of the memory. "You look pretty happy," David smiled, all sunshine and genuine joy for Max's happiness, and it was so... nice it was disarming. "Whatcha thinking about?"

"Mm, just Neil," Max shrugged, a small smile tugging at his mouth, before he realized his mistake. "And Nikki! Neil and Nikki! And- and how dumb they are!"

David, if possible, seemed to light up even more. "Neil?" He said, leaning forward across the counter. "Oh, mister, I recognize that tone of voice."

"No you don't! Shut up! I was just- Leave me alone!"

"Oh, Max, it's completely normal to have feelings like that about your friends," David said in a way he clearly thought sounded wise. "And having feelings like that about boys is completely fine too-"

"Oh my god," Max moaned, burying his face in his hands. "La, la, la, I can't hear you, stop talking about this!"

David, ever the trooper, continues with his It's Okay To Be Gay spiel. "It's normal, even! In fact, Max, I myself have often had a few "flings" with men before! In fact, when I was about your age, there was a boy who I could not get enough of." David sighs dramatically, smiling into the past. "He was on the student council, and boy howdy did he have a nice-"

"WOW, okay," Max practically shouts, sitting up straight. "David, I know it's okay to be gay, jesus christ. And I really do not want to have this conversation, and I especially do not want to hear about how you ogled guys in the changing rooms in high school!"

David smiles and ruffles his hair, and Max sighs but lets him get away with it, because it's better to pick your battles with David. "Aw, Max, that's okay. How about you just tell me about your music project and we drink our tea?"

"Yeah, whatever," Max mumbles, reaching for another cookie, which have thankfully cooled down by now. "I, uh, I got an A. She really liked the song."

"What did I tell you?" David asks, glowing with pride as he pours himself a cup of tea. "It was really sweet, Max, I'm so glad you decided to hand it in."

"Mm," Max mumbles, sipping at his tea. "Yeah, you were right, I guess. Teachers eat up that shit. But I swear, if anyone in my class sees that shit, I'm gonna kill us both."

David smiles, reaching for a cookie and dipping it in his tea. "I know you were unsure about it, Max, but I am really, really proud you handed it in. I know it was scary, but it paid off. And I'm so happy for you."

Max sips his weak-ass, milky, watered down tea, and uses the mug to hide his smile. "Yeah. Whatever."

There's a pause, and Max is quietly thinking about how nice it can be just to hang out like this, with his fake dad-brother-legal annoyance, drinking gross tea at their breakfast bar and eating David's stupidly delicious homemade cookies. He'll never tell him, but it can be kind of cool to have someone who cares about you as much as David does.

Then David opens his mouth.  

"So... Neil, huh?"

"Oh my god," Max screeches, throwing his mug across the table.

\--

Max has to take several deep breaths before he pushes open his door. "I'm-"

"Hey, David!" Nikki bursts forth with enough energy to rival Max's guardian, speeding through the halls. "Do you have any cake for me?"

There's a distant "oh, you know I do!" and Max slams a hand to his forehead. "Ughhhhh...."

Neil's pulling off his coat and hanging it up, and he offers Max a sympathetic smile. "You don't need to worry about David embarrassing you. The only person David embarrasses is himself."

Max scowls and pokes him in the chest. "You have no idea of all the potential there is to ruin me today."

All that earns him is a fond pat on the head from Neil (still infuriatingly taller, even after three growth spurts and and unfortunate squashing incident), and a smile that makes him feel like he's going to puke. "Come on, grumpo. You're a bigger drama queen than Preston."

"I hate you," Max grumbles, before reluctantly pulling himself to the kitchen, where Nikki, god bless her, has David too preoccupied to do anything weird.

"Hey, guys!" She chirps, cheeks puffed full of strawberry sponge cake as David hurries to try and remove the cake and himself from her unfathomable grasp without seeming impolite. "Have you tried this stuff, Max? What does David put in it, heroin? I'm trying to get him to tell me his secret recipe but he won't budge."

"Ah, yes," David says, visibly sweating. "How about you boys have some cake? Try some out!"

"Mm, I'm good," Max smirks, perfectly happy to let a sugar-high Nikki run chaotic, distracting circles around David. "I didn't know you used a secret recipe."

"I don't!" David protests. "It's just ordinary sponge, Nikki, please let go of my neck!"

"Thanks, David," Neil says, ever the diplomat, taking a slice of cake and sitting down at the table. "Can you get me a fork, Max?"

"Get it yourself, I'm not your fucking slave," Max retorts, prompting David to go into something close to a seizure as he tries to comprehend the level of rudeness Max is showing.

"Max!" He hisses, somehow managing to disentangle himself with the power of righteous anger. "I'm so sorry, Neil, here, I'll just get you some now. Do you kids want anything to drink? Max, I'm very disappointed in you, that's no way to treat a guest, let alone someone you want to like you." He huffs, handing Neil a full set of cutlery and trying to coax a fork into Nikki's icing-filled hands.

Max freezes before hurriedly trying to cover it up. "Neil already likes me, David, that's why he's here, dumbass."

"Maybe I just tolerate you because I've invested too much time into this friendship to give up," Neil says haughtily.

Nikki snorts, kicking her feet up onto the table and spooning entire slices of cake at a time into her mouth, much to the horror of David, who's kneeling on the floor like a lost monk or some kind of distressed servant. "No, it's because you're both too afraid to endanger your friendship with me to unbalance our trio."

"Pfff," Max grins, heading over to help David out with the tea, because currently he's just looking kind of lost and pouring hot water over a box of teabags. "You wish, Nik. It's actually because the two of you are hopelessly in love with me to the point where you follow me around on all my adventures in order to please me."

Nikki grins wildly, all sharp teeth and chewed up sponge cake in her open, disgusting mouth. "Neil, maybe. I'm a ladies' lady."

"You're definitely not that," Neil sighs, standing up and picking up his finished plate to go and wash it off.

Max sticks his tongue out at Nikki and sets the teapot down on the table. "David, go away," he says firmly, folding his arms. "You can keep up with me, let alone me and two friends."

"Aww, you called them your friends," David sighs, smiling down at Max like a fucking dork. "Okay, okay, I'll let you kids hang out. I'll be in my bedroom if you need me, okay?" He leans down to whisper in Max's ear, hugging him tightly. "Good luck with Neil, champ!" 

"Ugh, get off!" Max hisses, face burning as he shoves David away. "And don't ever call me 'champ' again, ugh."

David laughs, ruffling his hair because he apparently never learnt to leave well enough alone. "Okay, okay. Have fun, guys!" He waves and scampers up the stairs, winking down at Max just before he turns the corner.

"What did he whisper to you?" Nikki asks curiously, and Max glances over at Neil, who's sitting on the bench and looking curious and a tad concerned, hands cupped around his mug as he blows on his tea to cool it off.

Max scowls, folding his arms. "Nothing," he mutters. "Let's just hope he doesn't get worse."


	2. and to your left you'll see the only grown man to ever actually cry at a school play

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im very tired so this is out later than i hoped and im not super happy with it, but i hope you guys enjoy! david is really fun to write haha!  
> ALSO: due to everyone's nice comments and interest, I've decided to extend the story! I have another three chapters planned out and I can promise they'll be out soon, but I'll probably continue it beyond there too! thank you so much for being so sweet! keep it coming haha!

As a general rule, Max does not sign up for extracurriculars. However, in order to defile Mr. Ayan's complete collection of Shakespeare plays, they had to get into his office. And to get into his office they had to get into the performing arts wing. And because auditions for  _Robin Hood- the musical_  were running, and Preston Goodplay is a fucking psychopath, the only way to get into the performing arts wing was to head in as part of the contestants. So they sent Nikki to go do her thing, Max and Neil fucked around for a while, Neil sang "getcha head in the game" as his audition piece and Max did a great rendition of 'the hills are alive', which was especially impressive as he managed to get through the whole song without singing. By the end of it, Preston was in tears, an entire group of theater kids were aggressively singing the lead parts of 'bohemian rhapsody', and Nikki returned to triumphantly inform them about her terrible graffiti, the raccoon, wolf, and spitting cobra she'd coaxed into Mr. Ayan's office, and the giant shit Nurf had taken on the glossy, hardcover copy of the Tempest.

(To this day, nobody was sure how Nurf had managed to get in and out of Mr. Ayan's office without getting caught, or why he was in the theater to begin with).

All in all, Max would say it was a pretty successful trip for everyone involved. Apparently, Preston disagreed. 

"You want me to what?"

Preston smirked, his stupid smug face pinched up and stupid. God, Max hated that guy. "You'll be playing the _role_ of Robin Hood's _faithful_ dog."

"Robin Hood doesn't have a dog!" Max spat at him. "And you can't make me."

"Actually," Preston said, swooping his arm around Max's shoulder's conspiratorially. "I can. When you signed up you stated that you were _free every week day_ on your audition sheet, and because I have an audition sheet, _and a film of you auditioning,_ you have officially agreed to donate all your weekday afternoons to the theater, from three-thirty to six. If you don't show up, you'll have detention after school anyway, and I'm sure you wouldn't want  _David_  to hear about something _ghastly_ like that, would you?"

"You evil bastard," Max hissed, shoving him back. "I don't give a shit what David hears."

"Hm? _Well_ , then," Preston said calmly, inspecting his stupid manicured nails. "I'm sure you'll have more _fun_ in detention then. _Separate from your friends_. Not allowed to talk."

Max scowled, folding his arms. "I'll ruin your play," he said bitterly. "You know I will. I'll destroy it."

Preston's eye practically twitched, and he leaned forward- way too close. "Clearly you were too busy _mocking the theater_ to _pay attention_ to the other people auditioning, Max, but this play is _ruined right from the start_!" His voice raised in volume and pitch as he talked, making Max wince and turn away. "Those idiots have _no clue what they're doing_! The girls are _unattractive_! The merry men are e _motionless!_ Robin Hood can't shoot a bow! This play is destined to be a _disaster!_ So do your worst, Maximilian, because it _can't be worse than right now!"_

"My name isn't even Maximilian," Max huffed. "And you're spitting in my face."

Preston straightened up and pressed a sharp finger to Max's chest. "You will be at play rehearsal _today until October_." He stepped back, and in a horrifying, alien transformation, managed to slowly crack his furious expression into a twitchy, evil smile. Slowly, Preston backed away, letting out a low laugh as he carefully backed right into Nikki. " _Oh_! Savages!" He dropped the act and stormed off, throwing his hands in the air.

Nikki turned to frown at Max, setting down her boxes of fries on a nearby desk. "What's with crazy theater geek?"

"We're in big trouble," Max said glumly, holding up the sheet of cast members to the light.

\--

"I hate everything about this," Max said glumly, tugging at the collar fixed around his neck. "But the fact I'm not the one wearing a fursuit makes me feel marginally better."

"I'm so glad my suffering is pleasing to you," Neil moaned, folding his arms as he watches Nikki romp around the backstage, covered in what's supposed to be the front half of their two-man deer costume (Preston had taken one look at the wardrobe he'd been given to work with and burst into tears) grinning wide and delighted as she freaks out the younger stagehands. "Although, seeing you collared is kind of hilarious," he grinned, turning to Max and snorting into laughter. "I can't believe Preston is actually making you wear that on stage."

Max scowled, punching Neil's arm. "Fuck you. I swear to god, this is like some kind of sexual power play for him. Too bad he's gonna learn that he can't keep me down this easily." He thumped his foot to make a point, grinning as he glances around the stage. "He'll rue the day he messed with me. I'll destroy him. I'm going to make sure he's never elected as club president again. I'm gonna-"

"I'm sorry," Neil said, biting his lip to hold back his laughter. "But I _cannot_ take you seriously when you're wearing that."

"I hate you," Max grumbled, ripping his stupid puppy ears off his head. "And I hate this fucking play."

\--

Max finishes up pouring the blood into the place the spotlight used to be. End of show, Preston steps out to give his speech, light swings down to focus on him- bam! Max _Carrie_ s up this bitch. It's gonna be great. He readjusts the fixed setting- he's checked over the light cues and the spotlight isn't brought out until the speech, but he really doesn't trust these shitty stagehands, so he's fixed it up in place. Just before the end cue, he'll loosen it and rush down to watch the chaos.

"Max?"

Max sighs and twists around from his spot on the ladder. "Neil, this better be so fucking urgent or I swear to god-"

"You're gonna want to look outside, buddy." Neil's snickering, which immediately puts Max on high alert, so he hurriedly double checks the joints before jumping down. The floor shakes and he stumbles a little but quickly recovers. 

"What's up?" He frowns, hurrying over to Neil, who just gestures to the corner of visible curtain that separates them from the audience. Max peeks out and- "oh, motherfuck."

Neil pats his shoulder. "Yeah, sorry buddy."

"Who fucking told him??" Max demands, throwing up his hands in a question to the universe. "Who fucking ruined everything?"

"The dates were posted on the school website," Nikki chirps in, already clad in her front-half-of-a-deer costume, antlers dangerously joined to her head because some idiot thought letting Nikki have sturdy sticks attached to her body was a good idea. "And you know David refreshes that every five minutes. What a nerd."

"Ughhhh!"

Nikki wraps her arms around Max and pulls him into a squishy hug, nearly impaling him on an antler as she does. "Don't worry, it's not going to ruin your street cred."

"No, because you hugging me already made me look like a weenie!" Max scowls, squirming out of Nikki's arms and pointing at Neil. "Change of plans. Forget the smoke bombs, you've gotta go get David out of here. Have an asthma attack or something. Make sure he leaves."

Neil sighs, rolling his eyes. "Max, please, I set up the smoke bombs before you even started with the pig's blood. Who do you think I am?"

"Not the point!" Max growls, stomping his foot. "Just get him out of here!"

Nikki grins, bouncing up and down excitedly. "I'll do it! Do you think people will believe that I've suddenly contracted rabies?"

Max and Neil look over her for a moment, exchanging glances. "Yes."

"We're all set then-" She breaks off in an excited shriek as Preston yanks her back, then immediately whirls around to sock him in the face. "Too slow for this kitty cat, wa-ha!"

"Augh! You _imbecile_!" Preston hisses, stumbling back and pressing a hand to his eye. "Jesus fucking christ, I was just coming to tell you the play begins in _two minutes!_ Max, you're on. And _get on your knees_!" He grabs the back of Max's furry jumper and starts trying to yank him towards the left wing.

"God, let me go," Max huffs. "Fucking kinky bastard. I'm gonna sue."

"Just get on stage," Preston snarls, kicking him towards the curtain. "And Neil, I _better_ see you dressed as a deer's ass and connected to Nikki in the next _five minutes_ or there will be _serious consequences!_ "

\--

David clasps his hands in excitement, nudging Gwen eagerly. "Oh, I'm so excited. I know Max has been working super hard on this play, he's been out of the house every day for the past few months! I hope it all goes well."

Gwen winces -oops, bumped too hard! His elbows are so pointy, his mom used to say he was all skin and bones- and shifts in her seat. "Yeah, David, I know. My kids've been out just as much." She sighs, leaning her head back against her chair and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

David beams (he loves it when Gwen calls them 'her kids', she pretends to be mad about having to take care of the new foster kids in her house, but he knows she loves them really) and bounces up again. "I'm so proud of them! They've all worked so hard, and I bet it pays off! I'm really excited to see this new adaption."

"David, it's a school play," Gwen says, folding her arms. "Don't get your hopes up."

"I know, I just- ooh, it's starting! Shush everyone, shush!" David hushes the people around him before sitting straight up, smiling wide in anticipation. 

The curtains open, music begins to play, and Robin Hood walks on, accompanied by-

"Oh, Gwen, look!" David whisper-shouts, tugging at her sleeve. "Look, Gwen, Max is the dog! Look how cute he looks!"

Max crawls onstage on all fours, then immediately stands up- a wise directing choice, to anthropomorphize the dog, probably to make the most of Max's natural talent for acting. He scowls, staring straight ahead and not seeming to acknowledge anything at all, which is probably just part of his character, after all, Robin Hood lived in the forest and gave all his food to the poor, so the dog is probably tired and hungry. To be honest, the mistreatment of pets was such a terrible problem within this state, there were far too many strays that looked even more unhappy than Robin Hood's dog looked right now. Robin Hood is speaking currently, but David is too enthralled with the skill and adorableness of his own child- Max is in the opening scene of the show! He's a main character! His talent is finally being recognized like he deserves, and David is crying. He's so overwhelmed by all this recognition, he wants to stand up and point and yell "look at my kid! I'm raising him! Look at him go!". God, he's so lucky to have a kid like Max in his life. He loves Max so much, and he loves this school for recognizing Max's brilliance, and-

"What do you say, Rover? Should we go visit the Maid Marian?"

Max sighs, and with all the world-wariness of a eighty year old man who served in three separate wars, says; "woof."

David's heart collapses and he twists Gwen's arm out of its socket. "Gwen!" He hisses, high pitched and excited. "He spoke! Did you hear! He has lines in his school play! He's a main character!"

"Are you crying?"

David sniffles and wipes his eyes, before gasping. "Oh my god, I totally forgot!" He bends down to search in his bag, then quickly sits back up again. He doesn't want to miss anything! What if Max does something especially cute that he doesn't see? But he's gotta start filming as soon as possible! "Gwen, can you grab my camera out of my bag?"

Gwen sighs, making the universal 'lower your voice' gesture. "Can't you get it?"

"But I don't want to miss a single moment of this play!"

Gwen looks at him with a slightly disbelieving expression, before she sighs and leans over to yank his bag towards her, then starts rifling through it.

David quickly turns his full attention back to the play. "Thanks Gwen!"

Only a couple of minutes pass before Gwen passes him the camera, and David immediately switches it on and focuses it on Max, who's now sitting like a good dog, and listening to Robin Hood serenade Maid Marian from below. "This is the best play I've ever seen," he whispers.

\--

The entire show was brilliant! Of course, all the highlights were when Max barked, or joined in the fight scenes, and the best bit was when he bit the Sheriff's butt- although David felt that was a little inappropriate for a school environment, but everyone laughed so hard at it that he couldn't see the harm in one little joke. Another great part was when Neil and Nikki galloped on stage- Gwen had snapped out of her bored daze and cheered so loudly that David was half-deaf by the end of it. Watching a two-man deer chase off all the merry men was a hilarious addition to the Robin Hood script, and the blood used when Little John was kicked in the head looked super realistic. Max seemed to enjoy it too, breaking character to laugh as he watched his friends, and David could hardly fault him when everyone else was laughing too! Well, Gwen was laughing. Mostly everyone else seemed to be in awed shock of the skill of the actors.

The several smoke machines left off added an air of mystery to the show, too, particularly when they came on during a rowdy song and Will Scarlet disappeared for the rest of the play. Of course, some of the fight scenes were a little too realistic. Those swords and the blood looked almost real, and the actors were really convincing when it came to agonized screams! David was feeling a little queasy by the end, but Gwen was loving it, so he assumed people better with action sequences were enjoying it too.

It was time for the bow, and all the students came forward in groups; the forest animals, the townspeople, the sherrif's men, the church keepers, and all the while David grew more and more antsy. Surely max should have come on with the other animals? No, maybe they were saving his bow until the end, after all, he was one of the main characters. He'd probably bow next to Robin Hood. Still, the sheriff and king John came on and still no Max, and then the merry men, and then Robin and Maid Marian, and still Max wasn't there. Maybe he got stage fright? Maybe he was being bullied backstage? David was trying to convince Gwen to let him go look backstage, Max could be in real trouble, when;

"David! You fucking dumbass, he's there!" 

David let go of Gwen's arm and whipped around to look back at the stage, and sure enough, there was Max, darting onstage to go hide with the other animals. Oh, he was probably too shy to bow. He really had a lot of trouble with social interactions and positive attention, so he might've gotten nervous and hidden. David smiled to himself, thinking about just how brave it was for Max to come onstage in the first place. He sighed happily, settling back in his seat and clapping again as the leader of the theater club walked onstage.

The crowd cheered politely, and the boy raised his hands for quiet. He cleared his throat, and then began to speak. "Ladies and gentlemen-"

And that was as far as he got before the lights dimmed and a bucket of blood was dumped on top of him.

\--

Max poked at his ice cream, keeping his head down in order to hide his smile. He didn't think it was working, though, with the way Nikki bumped his knee and Neil reached over to squeeze his arm. 

"I'm just so proud of all of you," David was saying again, tears rolling down his cheeks. "You stole the show, honestly. I'm so happy that you were able to be part of something so beautiful."

Nikki snorted into her milkshake, spraying Gwen and David with milk and causing an abrupt stop to the conversation. The theater had been shut down after the blood incident, and David, deep into his denial about Max's character as he was, had probably sensed the need for an alibi and taken them all out for ice cream. Gwen had happily come along, ruffling Nikki's hair and kissing her cheek, cheering about how great they were in the play and how hilarious it was. Neil's parents weren't there, obviously, but Max was pretty confident David wouldn't let him catch a taxi home this late at night, so a sleepover was probably in order.

All in all, it was a pretty good day. That blood was definitely going to stain, and it was nice listening to someone sing his praises. Plus, the ice cream was a nice bonus.


	3. innocent until proven guilty amiright guys?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, i just saw some discussion in the comments that im way too much of a wimp to directly confront (i have super anxiety and hate confrontation) so i thought id clarify: there isn't going to be anything sexual in this story. There are definitely some allusions to sex, and in this chapter there's a scene where David assumes he walks in on a make out scene (spoiler: he doesnt), but thats probably as close as we're going to get, other than like, dirty jokes, because this is a camp camp fanfic and they've all got really dirty mouths.  
> im uncomfortable writing sex scenes about these characters, and all im going to write is like. maybe a few kisses.  
> again! the "shippy" stuff isnt really the whole point of this story, so id just like to clarify that for anyone expecting anything more. im also very uncomfortable with the idea of sex scenes about these characters, and i'm not going to acknowledge comments about that.  
> Sorry to disappoint you!

"David, you caaaaan't," Max moaned, feeling like a ten year old again as he whines, but listen, he was tired, okay? He was tired, and emotionally stressed, and his stupid, stupid guardian is currently trying to ruin the social rep he's worked so hard to keep up.

David only smiled, wrapping his arm around Max's shoulders and pulling him against his side. "Oh, come on, Max, it's not that bad! Gwen's joining too, it's not just adults."

"David," Max said slowly, because this is something David often forgets, and it's important to drill it into his thick skull regularly. "You _are_ an adult."

"So I am!" David laughed, rubbing Max's hair down and waving around the fucking flyer that started this with his other hand. "But it's not all old adults."

Max scowled, pushing David's hand out of his curls. "Who gives a shit? It's all parents, and they all hate me, and you're gonna start a fight and get kicked out, and then you'll be really sad about it for the next week!" It's not like he wants to protect David's stupid feelings or anything, but he gets super useless when he's sad, and he always looks so pathetic when people are rude about Max. Besides, David stress-bakes a lot, but he messes up when he's upset and none of it's good, and because he's already sad Max doesn't want to make it worse by telling him his cookies are burnt, so Max ends up eating a lot of, frankly, terrible baking when David's unhappy.

David clicked his tongue, bumping Max with his elbow as they walk. "Why would I start a fight? I'm super friendly, Max, you know me! I bet we all become super close and start arranging extra bake sales!" His eyes went all starry and if Max were someone else he'd hate to crush his dreams like this. Fortunately, Max isn't a pussy.

"Oh boy, you have no idea about the stuff they say about me," he whistled.

David frowned, turning to face Max and leaning down in that stupid patronizing way because he's freakishly tall. "What do they say about you?"

Max huffed, tossing his head dismissively. "Whatever, it doesn't matter. I don't care, but you will."

"Max, other parents and teachers shouldn't be saying mean things about you! Especially your teachers, I can't believe the nerve-"

"To be fair," Max said, words accompanied by the screaming they've tuned out for most of this conversation, "they kind of have a point." He jerked his head back to the ruins of the bake sale and shrugged, sticking his hands in his pockets.

"You had nothing to do with that," David said firmly, pulling Max's arm out of his pocket and gripping his hand tight. 

Max moaned again, trying to divest himself out of David's impenetrable hold, before giving up and pulling up his hoodie in the hopes no one would see him holding hands with his dad-David. "I spent ages building my maggot incubator," he grumbled. "And you want me to give up all the credit?"

"Listen, Max," David said, all smiles even as he sped up their walking pace. "I fully support all your youthful endeavors and little pranks-"

"Murder attempts."

"-But if anyone asks, you had nothing to do with anything that happened today." David winced at a particularly piercing shriek (looks like Sasha discovered the nest of flies swarming over her schoolbag) and began to jog, tugging Max along with him. 

Max rolled his eyes as he jogged after David, twisting behind to wave goodbye to Nikki, who saluted him in return as she stepped forward and sacrifices herself to the mercilessness of the PTA.

\--

**groupchat: _firestar died for our sins and neil killed him_**

NIKKI<3<3<3: geuss who has anther month of detenetnetntion!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NIKKI<3<3<3: its me!!!!!!!

snax: rip nikki u will be missed

Neil: You're up to two years now! We should have a party!

Neil: You'd think they'd be trying some other form of punishment by now?

snax: wait shit is it 2 years already?

snax: color me impressed

NIKKI<3<3<3: thaks guys, i dtrys rellay hard

NIKKI<3<3<3: but mre imporntly:

NIKKI<3<3<3: did i seef dadvid w/ a sPTA flyerr?

snax: ....

Neil: HOLY SHIT

snax: no comment.

NIKKI<3<3<3: DAVSDCIS JINDGING THE APTA

NIKKI<3<3<3: SEE FI U VAN CONVINC E HIM 2 MAKE SNAEK BREEDING LEGADL IN THISD COUNTY

snax: oh yeah, i'll just go tell him to legalize snaek breeding, courtesy of the parent teacher assosciantion

Neil: *association

snax: thanks. (sarcasm)

Neil: I can barely understand anything Nikki types, I don't need you joining her too.

snax: im j,usst reallly so  soorryy nei l;; ..bu isyt ; just so  h,,a,rd tto type. proopperdly,   im jusst ssoo tired, 

Neil: (softly) Don't.

NIKKI<3<3<3: MEMME ALERY WEEOOOOWEOEEOOOWEEEOOO

Neil: Let's get back to the matter at hand.

Neil: David is your parent now Max?

snax: yea i told him that it made me uncomfortable, pulled out the whole 'i just kind of feel like youre trying to replace my parents' thing, and then he went on a righteous rant about how it should be renamed guardian-teacher-association

snax: i, for one, fully support the new GTA.

NIKKI<3<3<3: I MLOUVE GTA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Neil: Asdfsdgghjahsjwksfl.... GTA....

snax: hes already written the petition

NIKKI<3<3<3: ILL SIGN IT

Neil: Nikki, you forgot to switch off capslock

NIKKI<3<3<3: oh, htansks!!!!!!!!!

snax: honestly im just hoping he'll forget about it.

NIKKI<3<3<3: ul nlikelsy

Neil: OOC.

snax: go be a nerd somewhere else neil.

Neil: At least I'm not into HOMESTUCK unlike SOME PEOPLE

snax: WE AGREED TO NEVER BRING THIS UP

NIKKI<3<3<3: EWWWWW MXA IS A HEMOE STTUCK???

snax: THIS IS CYBERBULLYING

snax: I CAUGHT NEIL PLAYING MAGIC WITH NERRIS

Neil: I am not without sin.

NIKKI<3<3<3: NERRISIS KINDA CFTE TBGH

snax: nerr-isis?

Neil: I can't believe Nerris is a part of Isis...

NIKKI<3<3<3: LE AVE FMEV ALDONGE

snax: also: you have literally the worst taste in women. nerris is a fucking nerd.

NIKKI<3<3<3: eyeahsd, btu,,,, sh fgot reaL cuet afetr she gto her braces dfiooff.

snax: still a nerd.

Starling (star-darling!!!): there is nothig wrong with being a nerd, max!

snax: who the fuck invited spacekid

Starling (star-darling!!!): My name is greg!

NIKKI<3<3<3: sorry, my mom says that we have to start including him more 

snax: cant you get gwen to get him out of here???

NIKKI<3<3<3: she says shes only covering for me 3 times a week now

Neil: Shit, that sucks! I guess we'll have to limit our capers from now on.

NIKKI<3<3<3: nope, we'll just have to use spacekid as our scapegoat!

snax: nikki, this is why im in love with you

snax: no hetero

NIKKI<3<3<3: none taken ;)

Starling (star-darling!!!): I love u guys too!

Neil: Fuck off, spacekid.

\--

David frowned, holding up the ice cream tie to his neck and then holding up the one with kittens on it. "Max, which one do you think looks better?"

"They're both stupid," Max replied instantly, not even looking up from his knitting.

David turned to face him, hands moving to his hips. "Now, Max, there's no need to be rude about it. I just want to make the best impression I can on your teachers."

"You are going to be the only person there in a tie."

"Well, then I'll just look like the most responsible!" David perks up again, turning back to the mirror and holding up the ice cream tie again. "But I need it to have a design that also shows I'm up for fun."

Max glanced up at that and bit his lip, trying to guess which tie would be less embarrassing. "Stick with that one."

"Alright, I trust your judgement," David chirped, flinging it around his neck before walking over and leaning down. Max rolled his eyes but put his knitting aside and reached up to tie it around his neck.

"You really need to learn how to do this yourself," he was saying before the doorbell rang, and he swiftly finished it off and jumped down from the breakfast bar. "I'll get it, don't follow me!" He headed down the hall and opened the door, grinning at his friend and ushering him inside. "Hey. David's not gone yet, by the way, so prepare to be hovered over."

"I think I'll live," Neil hummed, unwrapping his scarf and shedding his coat before they walked back into the main area of the house, where David was trying his best not to look like he was waiting anxiously for them to return. "Hey, David."

"Hi, Neil," David beamed, turning around like he'd just been given permission to look at them and rushing over to pull Neil into a hug. "Thanks for coming over today!"

Neil patted David's shoulder awkwardly. "It's no problem. Couldn't leave Max alone in the house, could we?"

Max stuck his tongue out at him, before David laughed and pulled him into the hug as well, squishing his face into Neil's armpit. "Ugh, let go!"

"Sorry, guys, I'm just really excited for today," David said, releasing them and bouncing up and down. "I'm always happy to make new friends!"

"Look, David, you really better get your hopes down before-"

"Speaking of friends," David interrupted, "why couldn't Nikki come today? Gwen wouldn't say."

Max rolled his eyes. "Nikki has been grounded since spacekid told their mom she forced him to watch all of _It_ while she was out."

David gasped. "Oh! That's not very nice of her! Why would she show him such an innapropriate movie?"

"Spacekid is fourteen," Neil pointed out. "He has to see a scary movie some time."

"That's a very sad way to look at things," David sighed.

Max scowled, pointing towards the door. "Shouldn't you be leaving about now? You already made my friend babysit me and he's here now, so get out."

"Okay, okay." David kissed Max's forehead, which earned him a shove backwards. "You know wear the fire extinguisher is, right?"

"Under the sink, David." At this point Max was practically shoving David towards the door. "Your tie looks fine, too, get out!"

"Have fun, kiddos! Pizza money's on the counter," David beamed, waving to Neil before finally allowing himself to be pushed out of his own house. "Be safe, okay?"

"Okay, bye!" Max chirped, before shutting the door in David's face. He let out a relieved sigh and turned to look back at Neil. "Wanna go to my room and set up an R-rated movie?"

"You know I do," Neil grinned, and they start to head up the stairs.

About halfway up, Max sighed. "Sorry about all that, by the way."

"About what?"

"You know. _David._ He's gonna be so embarrassing tonight." Max groaned dramatically, dropping his head.

Neil smiled sympathetically. "You know I don't care. I think David's pretty cool, to be honest. And he's not going to embarrass you tonight."

"The school already hates me."

"See? Nothing to worry about!"

Max laughed reluctantly. "No, I mean... He's just going to get upset. He still wants to think I'm a good kid."

"There a worse ways for a parent to be," Neil pointed out, then: "sorry, guardian."

Max shrugged, pushing open his bedroom door. "I just don't want him to like, cry, because they're calling me a degenerate."

Neil grinned at the very idea, leaning back against Max's window. "Come on, David's a big boy. And the meeting only lasts an hour. He'll be fine."

Max laughed and flopped backwards onto his bed. "You're right. He won't get that upset. It's just a stupid meeting, what's the worst that can happen?"

"Right," Neil said, sitting down next to him and stretching out his arms. "Besides, you get the whole house to yourself for the next hour! Think of all the shit we can get up too."

"Hell yeah," Max grinned, folding his hands on his stomach. "You know what? If he actually joins the PTA, next time he's out we should have a rave. Get Nikki to give out invitations."

"Yeah! It's a shame she couldn't come over today," Neil said, tucking his gangly legs up to the side and smiling down at Max.

"Is it?"

Neil frowned, tipping his head to the side. "What do you mean?"

"I-" Max propped himself up on his elbows, breathing in shakily. He's got tonnes of cocky bravado and confidence, right? Where'd it all go. "Well, I just think it's kinda cool. To have some... bro time." Bro time? What the ever loving fuck was wrong with him? Jesus christ, he should just kill himself right now and get his suffering over with.

Neil smiled again, knocking their shoulders together. "Ha, sure. Or you're just eager to get me alone so you can kill me."

"Well, now that you mention it," Max jokes, sitting up and wiggling his fingers. "I've got a shiny new knife set to try out~"

"You'll have to get me first!" Neil grabbed his hands and pushed them back, and they struggled like that for a while, laughing. After a while, Max pushed him off the bed and they fell off with a surprised shout, before bursting into laughter again and continuing the play fight. Max had just managed to sit himself on top of Neil's stomach when-

"Sorry, kids, I just wanted to double check in that you know where the fire extinguisher is!" David popped his head into the room, beaming down at them.

"David, I live here!" Max hissed, tripping over himself in his hurry to get as far away from Neil as possible, face burning. He'd never been more embarrassed in his life, even when David introduced him to his new school as "Little Maxie", and Neil seemed to be in a similar state, physically kicking Max in the stomach in his effort to push him away. "Neil!"

"Sorry!" Neil huffed, the flush on his pale face much more obvious as he tried to straighten himself up- oh god, that was the worst thing to do, now it seems even more... suggestive, oh god, Max is actually going to die from embarrassment. He's going to spontaneously combust.

David laughed, waving his hand. "Oh, don't worry about it, I was young too. Anyway, I just really needed to double check! Max, can you tell me where it is? Just to make me feel better?"

"It's under the sink," Neil said, looking equal parts flustered and frustrated. "The first aid kits are in the bathroom, on top of the fridge, and in the garage. We won't open the doors to strangers, Max has already had his medication but just in case it's in the kitchen cupboard, and we will have our phones on us at all times! Are you fucking happy now!"

"Sure am," David beamed, clicking his fingers at Neil. "I'm glad you two are so responsible. Speaking of being responsible, I fully support a bit of fooling around, after all, I often did it myself a bit in high school! Me and my first boyfriend could hardly keep our hands off each other-"

"David!" Max screeched, pulling his hoodie down over his eyes. "Just leave!"

"Okay, okay, just promise me you'll keep it above the belt-"

"DAVID, I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD!"

\--

David returns home an hour later than expected, right when Max and Neil are in the middle of _Saw_   _IV_. He doesn't even comment on their movie choice, just walks over and pulled Max into a hug, sniffling a little.

Max pats him on the back, glancing away from the screen. "What happened?"

"You're a good kid, Max," David says, sitting back and wiping his eyes. "Just because you get up to some hijinks and mess around doesn't mean you're bad. You're r-really smart, and you can be really nice when you t-try, and-"

"Oh, god," Max groans, glancing over to where Neil was politely pretending not to pay attention to the conversation. "David, I really don't care what they think about me."

David, unfortunately burning with impassioned love for Max, grabs his shoulders. "Good! You shouldn't. They're stuffy, boring perfectionists, and they don't want children, they want small adults. You have no need to be everything adults want you to be, okay, Max?" He looks away, tiredness covering his features. "And that includes me. I know I push you pretty hard to be happier, but you're allowed to be angry sometimes, and I really hope it doesn't seem like I'm smothering you. I just want- I just want you to be able to grow up in a place where you feel happy and comfortable, but I'm sorry if I'm sometimes bad at giving you your space."

"David," Max begins, before cutting himself off.

Neil stands up, mumbles something about needing the bathroom, pauses the movie, and hurries out of the room. This was why Max liked him. Neil just.... got it.

"David," Max begins again, softening his voice. "I..." He sighs, leaning back and running a hand through his hair. God, David makes this look so easy. "I hate having serious talks," he grumbles. "And if you mention this in front of my friends I'll kill you. But... you don't, like, pressure me. Or stuff." He looks down, shifting on his bed. "You do make me happy, David. And... and you do a really good job of looking after me." Max bit his lip, steels himself, and then sighs. "God, if you try to remember that this ever happened, I'll deny it, but... you're a good parent. And I'm really happy to have you."

It was quiet for a while.

Max looks up at David when he regained the courage, and is pretty unsurprised to find him crying quietly. "Don't be sad, you idiot," he huffs, folding his arms and looking away. "You're such a fucking sap."

He lets out a little squeak of surprise (as if today hadn't already been humiliating enough) when David pulls him into another hug.

"I'm lucky to have you too, Max," he says gently, holding him tight. Max sighs, and hugs David back, albeit a little awkwardly, burying his face in David's shoulder.

"Do you... do you wanna watch a movie? With me and Neil?"

David glances back to the laptop and winces. "I'm not... a huge fan of gore."

"Yeah, I know," Max says, smirking a little. "I meant more like, _Inkheart_ or something."

"I love that movie!" David beams, brightening up.

"Yeah," Max says again, smiling over at Neil, who's leaning against the doorway hesitantly, and waves for him to come back in. "I know."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i could write a chapter with the actual events of the pta meeting but... im so tired my dudes. i just wanted to get something out soon and i was happy with the rest of this chapter so i figured this was okay on its own? idk let me know if you want to hear about the actual events of the pta meeting.


	4. no david we die like men

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is pretty short and im sorry for that guys! im also sorry i havent updated in a few days, im just very injured at the moment! i have a very minor concussion so im not supposed to be looking at screens but obviously i am lol. anyway, i just wanted to get something out to let you know i havent abandoned this or anything! im just in a lot of pain and i have a neck cramp which means im mostly lying down at the moment. This chapter is sort of a half way point between the previous and the next, and i hope you guys like it even in its brevity!  
> ill probably take another few days until the next chapter is up but i am still thinking of this fic! im going to have a nap now bc my head hurts but ill reply to your comments after that! thanks so much for your support, it's made me feel really good! :)

"Dude, you're gonna have to do it at some point," Neil says, completely unfairly. There's no reason it should be Max's job. What a selfish prick.

Nikki grins, rolling on her back and letting her hair dangle off the side of the bed. "I think Max is just planning on eventually marrying you at some point so he doesn't have to discuss it with David." Max narrows his eyes at her, unsure whether she's just really stupid or too observant for her own good. It's a tough call.

"Look," he sighs. "It's not a big deal. So what if he keeps winking when you come over and trying to give us 'alone' time? Who cares? It's not awkward." He folds his arms, feeling mulish.

Neil bites at his lip, and Max wants to slap him and get him to stop because he's going to pick off all the skin like that. Sometimes he hates everything. "Yeah, but... I think David's going to bring it up to my mom."

Max snaps his head up. "What? Why?"

"She's coming in for the science fair," Neil explains, rolling his eyes. "You know, so she can show me off. And I'm pretty sure that even if we tell him not to, David will be physically incapable of not saying something to her."

Nikki frowns, reaching out to grab Max's hands and pull them into her hair. "Braids, please. I'll help throw her off if you want?"

"Yes, your majesty," Max sighs, splitting her hair apart and reaching over to pull a hair tie off her wrist. He actually really likes braiding Nikki's hair, it's soothing in the same way knitting and weaving is, but he has to put up a fuss so she doesn't get complacent. Last month she actually forgot how to tie her hair up he was doing it so much. "I... sorry, Neil," he says after a moment. "I'll tell him."

"Look," Neil says, sighing and rolling his eyes. "It's not like she'll do anything to me. It'd just be weird to have a strange man come up to her and tell her he was my boyfriend's dad-sorry, guardian, only for me to explain that actually we were just messing around -shut up, Nikki, don't look at me like that- and we're not actually dating. Oh yeah, but I AM gay." He pushes his fluffy excuse for hair out of his face and shrugs. "It's just a weird way to come out."

"How'd you originally plan to come out?" Nikki asked.

"I dunno. I'd probably only do it after I actually had a boyfriend. You know, like, bring him around for dinner, be super casual, make him seem really impressive and cool."

"So, not Max, then."

"Hey!" Max yanks on a strand of hair, making Nikki screech. "I can be impressive. I'm cool."

"Oh yeah, you're so cool. All the guys want you, it's all I hear about-"

Max scowls up at her, tugging on her hair again. "I could pull you off this bed right now. Do you really want to insult the guy playing with your hair?"

Nikki flutters her eyes and smiles syrupy-sweet at him. "Max, you know how much I love and care for you."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." He rolls his eyes, before grinning up at Neil. "I'll tell him the next time he comes in to check up on us, okay? You two can back me up."

Neil shrugs, moving to lie back over Nikki's stomach, folding his arms behind his head. "Well, we have two options the way I see it. Either we pretend to date, which has the pro of a fake, super dramatic break up at school, and the con of breaking David's heart with it, or we tell him we're not dating."

"Second's definitely more preferable," Max says quickly. "No way am I dating you."

Neil pouts, turning his head to give Max a pair of really dumb puppy eyes that shouldn't be cute. "You really hurt me with your cruel words, Max, you know that?"

"What can I say?" Max hopes his nervousness doesn't show in his laugh, trying to play it off as super confident. "I'm too good for you."

"Guys, stop being gay," Nikki complains. "It makes me jealous. It was a stupid idea to have a trio, I hate third-wheeling."

"You never third-wheel, Nikki," Max says, trying not to sound too fond. "You just have solo adventures that leave us stuck behind."

Neil grins, shifting to the side. "Literally everytime me and Max hang out on our own it's because you've been busy. Can I help plait her hair, Max?"

"Or grounded," Max adds helpfully, passing one half-finished braid to Neil. "You know how to fishtail?"

"Yeah."

Nikki hums, stretching her hands out. "Ok, fair, fair, I just want a whole bunch of cute girls to go on escapades with me, and instead I'm stuck with you two."

"I can be a cute girl," Neil insists, stretching out a lock of turquoise curls to untangle the ends. "I look great in drag."

"No," Max says, smirking as he ties up the end of Nikki's braid and sits back to admire his work. "You look convincing in drag. But not  _good_." He nods, and then immediately undoes all his work. Nikki hates keeping her hair tied, but she likes the feeling of it being played with, so Max shakes it out and begins braiding again.

"Max, why are you so cruel to me?" Neil sighs.

Nikki sits straight up, knocking Neil over and yanking her hair out of their hands. "Tsundere," she declares, and then lays back down. When Neil doesn't immediately lean against her again, she makes an impatient noise and pats her side.

Max stands and points to the door. "Out of my house."

Neil, obeying and leaning back down, snickers. "You're only scared of the truth, Max."

"I will not have weebs inside my house."

Nikki tugs him towards the bed. "Stop sitting on the floor and come cuddle."

He scoffs, folding his arms. "That's pretty heterosexual of you, Nikki."

"Is that a no?"

"...No." Max climbs onto his bed and huffs, leaning on Nikki's other side. "I'm only doing this to prove I can be tender and friendly, just so you know."

"That wasn't a very friendly thing to say," Neil points out. "It almost sounds like you're hiding your feelings."

"It almost sounds like you should suck my dick," Max grumbles, but he leans his head on Neil's shoulder and picks up half of Nikki's hair again.

They're quiet for a while, before Nikki speaks up. "So, like, did David quit the PTA or what?"

"I assumed so?" Neil answers, glancing over to Max. "I mean, he cried, right?"

Max sighs, dropping his head onto Nikki's shoulder blades and wishing the contact would kill him. "No," he sighs. "He's still on board. He'll be out every wednesday, so you guys can come over then, which will be cool I guess." After a moment he grins and lifts his head. "Oh yeah, it's not PTA anymore, it's GTA."

Nikki claps and Neil pretends to wipe away a tear. "I love David," Nikki says happily.

 

 


	5. although max is the best kid, david recognizes that other kids also deserve cool parents too, so he adopts neil and attempts to steal nikki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaAAAA im so sorry oh my god... school started up so updates are gonna have to slow unfortunately!
> 
> if u were worrying about me dont! i promise im fine i just have exams coming up haha
> 
> dont worry abt this fic either! im making a promise and im making it now. new chapter every saturday (pacific time). if i dont update kick me! go 'zed what are you doing yo promised me father/son bonding!' and ill go 'im so sorry my sweet child in the unfortunate strain that is my life i was in love/a hole/a coma/something else let me get writing!' bc i love and care about u
> 
> anyway! neil's parents are bad bc im pushing my 'autistic kid gets pushed into being the precocious smart child the adults want him to be' feelings onto him. but its ok bc at this point he really doesnt care and just appreciates david as a kinda hopeless big brother figure. i love these kids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: i have asthma but i have no idea how to write it, so i apologize for any inaccuracies (can i say that you puff into an inhaler? i know the point is to breathe it in but it sounds better than anything else i could think of)
> 
> also like. i used to know a lot abt quantum physics like two years ago but currently im pulling it out of my ass. dont trust anything neil says it might not be relevant anymore/i might have accidentally made it up

"What's your experiment about again?" Max asks, when they're halfway through hot glue gunning individual stickers of different... molecule...? types? around the edges of Neil's table at the science fair and he realizes he has no idea what he's doing.

"The security implications of quantum technology advancing into computer programming and potential consequences of it being put into motion," Nikki replies, peeling off a layer of hot glue and what was probably skin from her hand. "God, Max, don't you ever listen to this nerd? You're a terrible friend."

Max sighs and reaches over to divest Nikki from her glue gun before she could start bleeding, gritting his teeth as he tries to tug it from her iron-knuckled grip. "I know that, but like... what's it about?" He grunts, finally ripping the glue gun out of her clawing hands and hissing as he burns himself. "MOTHERfuck, Nikki, this is all your fault."

Nikki sticks out her tongue and huffed, immediately diving for the next most dangerous instrument ( a box cutter) and getting back to work.

Neil sighs like a long suffering grandfather at a family reunion and corrects one of Max's protein(?) stickers, which was apparently upside down. "I really don't know if I can make it any clearer, Max. I chose an intentionally advanced subject in order to confuse the judges. I'm mixing political sciences and quantum physics and you're barely passing chemistry."

"And you say _I'm_ the mean one," Max says, not really offended because Neil isn't trying to be mean. Neil just has a very short patience when it comes to explaining science to the lesser intelligent beings around him. Well, Neil would argue that the definition of intelligence is stupid, and studiers of intelligence would be much more impressed with Nikki's body intelligence and control and Max's creative intelligence, and that he just puts a lot of work in, it just happens that he's interested in science and he's failing art. But that's why Neil's smart. He's aware they're all stupid and he's also aware of what makes them stupid. He's great.

"You are the mean one," Nikki and Neil chorus at the same time, and he glares at them with no real heat.

Max folds his arms and sits back, raising an eyebrow. "When was the last time I did anything mean to either of you?"

"Twenty seconds ago," Nikki pouts. "You took my gun away."

"The fact," Max says slowly, "that you call it 'your gun' is reason enough to take it away from you."

Neil nods reluctantly before kicking Nikki's side. "Get back to work you two, I have high expectations for this table."

"But we wouldn't want to take away from your beautiful project," Nikki says sweetly, fluttering her eyelashes in a way that makes her look more feverish than anything else. Max leans over to stop her eyelids from moving before they get stuck in motion.

Neil sighs another one of those world-weary sighs and presses a hand to his forehead. When he pulls it back to get back to setting up his laptop a red mark is left there. It's frustratingly endearing. "Anyway," he says, sending a sharp glare down to Nikki until she meekly gets back to work cutting out various stars, "you aren't mean to us. You're just mean in general."

"So? If I'm not mean to you who cares?" Max grins, sticking down another galaxy sticker and going to peel the backing off his next.

"Everyone else who ever has to interact with you at any point," Neil replies. "Also, that's upside down."

Max rolls his eyes as he adjusts it. "David thinks I'm great," he points out.

"Ooh, David thinks I'm great," Nikki mocks, laughing and leaning over to poke him playfully with the box cutter. Max sees his life flash before his eyes. "You can't use that as your trump card, Max, you could murder someone and David would profess your innocence with every honest and good intention."

"Yeah," Neil grins, leaning down awkwardly to elbow Max's shoulder. "Just because David doesn't think you're mean doesn't mean you're not mean."

"Mean mean mean," Nikki adds helpfully.

Max sticks an atom sticker on Nikki's nose. "Fuck you guys," he says, smirking. "Say what you like but I'm not even in this stupid fair but I can assure you I'll be going out for celebratory ice creams afterwards."

Nikki peels the sticker off her face to let out a mournful moan."Oh, ice cream. Can you get David to take us, too?"

"Nope," Max's voice is smug. "I'm too mean."

"Oh, you think you're so smart," Neil laughs, glancing away from his computer display to tease him.

Max only shrugs as he turns to look up at Neil, still grinning. "Smart enough for you to hang out with, Mr. Quantum-atom-computer-genius."

Nikki takes advantage of his distraction to slam a sticker into his face. Max slams one on hers. Neil yells at them.

\--

David, like everyone expected, shows up half an hour before the fair begins, and immediately makes his way over to Neil's table and beams. "Wow, this looks great! You kids did a wonderful job."

"Thanks," Nikki beams, sitting crosslegged on the floor and spooning glue into her mouth like it's ice cream. Max and Neil would have acknowledged David but they're too busy trying to get it off her. "We worked really hard on it, so we're having a snack break now before pinning up the posters and adjusting the supports of Neil's portfolio board." She sounds very wise for someone with her lower face covered in glue, and Max would call her out on it but he can't talk because her elbow is way deep into his stomach.

David, ever the wise and helpful, leans down and plucks the glue out of Nikki's hands with a smile, even when she shouts in betrayal. He takes a look at the half-empty container, and his expression morphs into something so concerned that Max laughs, then immediately regrets it because it hurts his ribs. Nikki slumps down in disappointment and he and Neil slide to the floor and away from her with matching miserable groans. David looks even more concerned. "Well, uh, ha, ha," he says, valiantly managing to smile again as he pushes the glue pot into his Dad Satchel. "So, are you excited, Neil?"

Neil groans in response, giving David a weak thumbs up from his fetal position on the floor. 

"That's good!" David chirps, pausing a moment before sitting down on the floor to join them. "This day is all about celebrating science, one of humanity's most wonderful creations! It's easy to get caught up in the competition, but the most important thing is to have fun! Forget about winning or losing, just focus on your passions and you'll do great. You're in high school, there's nothing more important than having fun and enjoying your teen years!"

"And getting into college," Max points out, wheezing a little.

David smiles and reaches over to pat his hair. "I'll love you no matter what you do after school," he says earnestly, so honest and kind and... and... parental that it sends Max into another wheezing fit, his eyes wide as he gasps for air.  Neil is also wheezing, but that's because he's laughing. The bastard. David freaks out at the case of two breathing difficulties at the same time and stammers before reaching over to his Dad Satchel to fumble for the inhalers (he carries Max's, which is normal, but he also carries a spare for Neil and _another_ in case they run into three kids with asthma at the same time). While he's doing this, Nikki takes advantage of the situation to take both her pot of glue and David's wallet. Max is going to cry.

After things calm down, Max is puffing into his inhaler while David rubs his back, one of the most humiliating things ever, made only slightly less humiliating by the fact that the same thing is happening to Neil, and David isn't even his dad so it's gotta be worse for him. Nikki kindly doesn't laugh at them, possibly because she feels bad for causing the wheezing fits and possibly because she's too busy finishing off the pot of glue and slipping it into David's bag. Anyway, it's one of the worst experiences of Max's entire life, especially because half way through actual parents start showing up and staring at them like they're one of the science projects.

After they've recovered Neil jumps up and immediately starts finishing off his stand like a man possessed. He does a much better job than Max and Nikki, and stands back with a small, proud smile on his face when he's done.

"It looks great," David says happily, still on the ground but now rubbing Nikki's back, who looks like she's going to throw up the glue in the next twenty minutes. "I'm really proud of you, Neil. I know all your work's gonna pay off."

"Aw, thanks, David," Neil smiles, looking back over his board, then too his watch, before moving to stand at the side of his table. "Alright, the science fair's gonna officially begin in a couple minutes. Can you take Nikki to Gwen? Or... somewhere she won't puke all over my work?"

"Don't worry," Nikki says, weakly but with the ever present power of Nikki running through her words. "I'm gonna aim for the Flower Scouts' project."

"God, please do," Neil sighs.

David scoops Nikki up, looking significantly more frazzled then he had twenty minutes ago. "Right, uh, okay. Um, I'll just go take Nikki to the bathroom, okay? I'll text Gwen, but-"

"If we see her, we'll tell her, yeah, yeah," Max says, waving a hand. "We got it."

"Cool," David beams, managing to give them a double thumbs up even with his arms full of a sickly fifteen year old girl. "See you soon!"

As soon as he's left Neil grins and turns to Max. "Twenty bucks says that she pukes before he gets her to the toilet."

"Pff," Max says, rolling his eyes. "You're underestimating David's determination. He'll get her there and keep her there until she pukes or Gwen comes."

"So you take the bet then?"

"Ten bucks and a cool rock, plus a stick of bubblegum."

"Grape flavour."

"Strawberry flavour."

"Deal."

They shake hands and grin before Neil's smile falters. 

"What's up?" Max asks him, glancing over to where he's looking. "What- oh."

"Yeah." Neil rolls his eyes before snorting. "Ugh. I can't believe she bought her friends. They do  _not_ want to see my stupid science project. It's kind of rude of her to drag them along."

"Want me to play it polite?" Max checks, pulling up a chair and sitting down next to Neil.

"Uh, sure," Neil says. "But don't strain yourself. It's not like she'll ban me from seeing you."

"Neil!" Neil's Mom's gentle call breaks up their conversation and she hurries over, smiling gently down at them. "Hey, honey!"

"Hi, mom," Neil says, not sounding bored exactly but not putting any effort into the conversation. "You brought your friends."

"I did!" Neil's Mom smiles brightly and pulls her flock of well-dressed people forward. "You know Mary and Angela, of course."

"Yeah, of course."

"And Hebert? You met him at the company dinner last week."

"Nice to see you again," Neil nods, letting out a quiet huff of breath.

Neil's Mom smiles brightly and claps her hands. "Neil's been working on this all month," she informs her friends, and they all move to crowd around the table. "His quantum computer security meanings, right, dear?"

"No," Neil sighs, heading over to point out his different posters. "It's about the effects of the influence quantum computers could have on online security, and I guess the meaning of the effects." Max watches quietly, unsure what to do, as Neil slides to the next slide of his fancy powerpoint and flicks a photo onto the tablet he has. "The thing about quantum particles is they change once they've been observed. Which means that encrypting using quantum programming would be usable once which adds a lot more security, but..."

Neil and Neil's Mom and Neil's Mom's Friends coo over the project until Hebert suggests they look around the school a little more and let the other parents come to gawk at Neil's brilliance. The nod and wave goodbye before moving on, Neil's mom giving him a loud kiss and a loud 'I love you' before leaving, and after that people are coming and going to stare at Neil's display for the next few hours. At some point Gwen and David come by with a much recovered Nikki, who bounces over to them. Gwen is very congratulatory but also doesn't pretend to be interested in the nerd shit. David pretends he understands what Neil is telling him but it's clear he doesn't. However, he's genuinely happy about the enjoyment Neil gets from explaining it, and stays to listen to Neil chatter about how secure encryption was already putting programming companies under pressure by the government long after Gwen has gone to look at Spacekid's model solar system.

After the judges come by and nod and are clearly impressed, they return to their podium and things quiet down. It's just them again, and Neil is quiet for a while before speaking.

"She's not a good mom," he says.

Max blinks and briefly glances to Nikki before looking back to Neil. "I know."

"It's just-" Neil makes a frustrated noise and bunches a hand in his hair. "I know she looks like one. Like, she seems like she's interested in my stuff and she tells me she loves me. And she buys me whatever I want." He pauses, clenching his hands to fists and staring at the floor. "But she only does it when other people are around. Only before I'm going to head to my dad's or when I'm at one of her stupid company balls or community parties. But when we're at home she just fucking ignores me. And when she does talk to me, it's only to get me to work more, to join another extracurricular, to tell me I have another event to go to." He's quiet again for a while. "I hate her."

Max doesn't really know what to say, but Nikki wasn't there earlier so he knows he has to say something. "If you say she's a bad mom, then I believe you," he says after a while. "Watching her kiss you while surrounded by her friends isn't going to convince me otherwise."

Neil sighs out shakily. "She makes me look like an angsty teen," he says, quiet and angry. "I know she does. I know I look like I'm embarrassed by her, like I don't appreciate her, but I don't.... I just don't have the energy to pretend we're a happy family anymore. I can't do it. I hate her so much and it's so hard to pretend everything's okay. But all it does is make me look bad."

Max bumps Neil's shoulder gently. "Hey," he says quietly. "You think we care if you don't wanna interact with your mom after she sent you to school at six in the morning to make sure your project is set up perfectly?"

Nikki leans against Neil's other side and takes his arm and hugs it to her. "She's a dick," she says empathetically. "You're so tired, Neil, and she sent you here so early."

"Yeah," Neil says, and they don't say anything else until Neil's Mom rushes over to tell them to come to the front of the hall because the judges are announcing winners.

\---

Neil wins, and no one is surprised. Max rushes forward to congratulate him but Neil is swept up by Neil's mom as she takes three thousand photos of him and chatters excitedly to the reporter. Spacekid got an honorable mention, so while they wait for Neil, Max and Nikki head over to offer him half-hearted but genuine congratulations. Gwen scoops him up and pretends to zoom him around in a spaceship, and David slides the certificate into a special folder to keep it from getting crinkled. Nikki gives him a noogie over his helmet and Max laughs and takes photos of them, but Spacekid insists they can't have the proper success photo until Neil is done. 

So they wait.

After roughly ten minutes but maybe longer, Neil's Mom loudly announces that she wants to take Neil out with her friends to a restaurant to celebrate. "I have reservations," she beams. "For your favourite."

Neil glances back to Max and Nikki and they smile sympathetically. He turns back. "No offense, mom," he says, rolling his eyes, "but that sounds awful. Plus, I need to clean up my stuff and that'll take a while. Just go with your friends."

"Oh, but Neil, I can't celebrate without you," she says adoringly, ruffling his hair. "I'll wait."

"It took me eight hours to set up, it's going to take at least two to get everything down," Neil sighs. "I'll call you when I'm done, okay?"

"Are you sure?" Neil's Mom asks him sweetly.

"Dead sure," Neil replies.

Neil's Mom picks him up and spins him in a tight squeeze, kissing his forehead. "I love you so much, honey," she coos to him. "We'll see you soon, okay?"

"Sure," Neil says, and waves at her until she heads out, arms full of Neil's trophies, with the rest of the parents and children with more underwhelming displays. Neil walks back to his friends.

"Congrats," Max smiles, and punches his arm.

Nikki says nothing but lifts Neil into her arms bridal style and holds him close until his blushing turns to yelling at her to let him down.

Spacekid, still being carried by Gwen, flies over and grins down at Neil. "Did you see me? I'm an honorable mention! We both got prizes!"

Neil smiles and rubs his arm. "You sure did, buddy. Next year you'll probably beat me."

"Mwahaha!" Space kid cries, punching the air with his fist.

David kneels down in front of Neil and smiles so wide he looks like his face might break. "I'm so proud of you guys," he says happily, sniffling a little.

"Thanks," Neil says, shifting his weight. "I worked really hard on that pro-"

"You went through a whole school event without a single prank," David sniffs. "I can't believe you're growing up so fast."

Nikki, still smelling a little of puke and glue, averts her eyes. Neil blinks before bursting into laughter.

"Say cheese," Gwen adds, holding out her phone and commanding them until everyone fits in the frame. It takes them twelve goes but they do get a decent picture, and she immediately sends it to everyone.

"Can we get ice cream?" Max asks David.

"Course!" David cheers, and they all head out of the school, leaving all of Neil's project, set up in its eight hour glory, behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i talk abt neil's family situation quite a bit here but i dont talk abt nikki's! and i hate that! i dont want you to think im forgetting about my sweet summer child or kicking out the girl so i can focus on the two boys bc thats really not my intention! i just cant think of a natural way to insert it into the story, and i feel like she wouldn't talk about it much.  
> anyway, her mother left and her father died because of something, and she ended up in the foster system. luckily for her, a really good family picked her up! guess who? its gwen!   
> who was a foster child cared for and eventually adopted by the same house, and she stays with them while she finishes up her degree/looks for a job, and has taken much of a shine to nikki. gwen pretends to be mad she has to stay with her parents and their foster children but secretly she thinks the kids are pretty great.  
> nikki also lives with spacekid and harrison and maybe some others i havent decided on yet. she thinks harrison's pretty cool but would rather hang out with max and neil. she doesn't believe spacekid is an actual human being.

**Author's Note:**

> motivate me in the comments :) and feel free to tell me what sort of embarrassing dad stuff you want to see david do!


End file.
